Isn’t Marriage Supposed To Prevent Loneliness?
When you got married, the life you envisioned for yourself is probably much different than the life you are living now. Most of us have experienced that after the wedding was over, and we began to settle into our new lives together as a married couple.
However, many of the clients I work with (both individuals and couples) have expressed to me how incredibly lonely they feel. These feelings of loneliness are very common, and they’re very disheartening.
Loneliness in marriage comes in many different forms. Perhaps your spouse is very active, and you constantly find yourself sitting at home on the couch by yourself while he or she is out with friends, stuck in meetings, or volunteering at your church. Or, your spouse is not meeting your greatest need, which is emotional closeness.
Research shows that 85% of all husbands have difficulty understanding how to connect emotionally with their wives. The other 15% are wives who are emotionally-challenged. Some couples I have worked with have spouses who refuse to talk or allow their spouse to just ramble on and on. **Want to know the quickest way to kill a conversation? Plead ignorance by saying: “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember.” Even worse, is when a spouse will drop a subject and move on as though the problem will magically go away.
Married couples spend a great deal of time under the same roof; however **they rarely engage in emotional closeness** much less the same activities. For them, children, the Internet, video games or television often become their priority the moment they walk through the door.
Confusion is a common reaction whenever I talk to clients about feeling lonely in their marriages. One of the reasons you got married is so you wouldn’t have to spend your life by yourself, right? It’s natural for you to feel hurt, angry, upset, and even betrayed when you feel as though your spouse has abandoned you emotionally or for activities or people that he or she continuously chooses over you. It’s also natural for you to crave the love and attention you desire so much, but have not been granted from your spouse.
Unfortunately, marriage does not prevent loneliness. However, that doesn’t mean that you are destined to feel this way for the rest of your life. There are a few things you can do to begin to alleviate these feelings:
● Bring your loneliness to your spouse’s attention
● Make a list of activities you can do together
● Invite your spouse out on a date
What If You Need More Help?
If your attempts at making changes in your marriage don’t seem to be working, or if your spouse is unresponsive, it might be time to take a different approach.
First of all, ask yourself what underlying issues might be present in your marriage, that are causing your spouse to remain distant from you. Do you think these issues are short-term, or has your spouse’s distant behavior been happening for a while?
When it seems as though your problem is bigger than you originally thought, it is a good idea to get the opinion of a professional who can advise you, and help you to understand and work through some of the feelings you’re experiencing. Even if your spouse isn’t willing to seek help for your marital issues right now, talking to an experienced Christian marriage coach or counselor yourself is a great first step for you.
It’s a very difficult thing to feel lonely in your marriage. However, these are not feelings that you have to learn to live with for the rest of your life. Together, we can work through the issues that are present within your marriage. Sometimes it takes an unbiased third party to help us understand where things are going wrong within our marriages, and we’re here to help you through this difficult time. If you are getting through a rough spot in your marriage let us at The Beaufort Center For Marriage help you. Call us today at 843-379-0288 or book your appointment via our online calendar.