Grieving Losses Due to Separation & Divorce

“I WANT A DIVORCE.”

Those words sting, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve been married a year, or if you’ve been married for thirty years, hearing that your husband wants a divorce is painful. Perhaps you’re in this situation, and like most women, you immediately tried to come to grips with the fact that you were losing your marriage. Perhaps you even thought that you were losing your best friend too. These are very common thoughts, but what most women don’t realize is that they’re actually losing so much more.

There are a lot of losses when a marriage dies, and the marriage relationship itself is just the beginning. Once you realize what else you’ve been forced to forfeit against your will, that’s when the grieving begins. Losses include:

FINANCIAL LOSSES – Suddenly the amount of money you’ve depended on is cut in half, and for some women, it might be cut even further. You never used to worry about money, but now you’re scrambling just to make your house payment and get groceries; never mind paying for the utilities.

SOCIAL LOSSES – Your friends and your family relationships change during a divorce. Perhaps you had a good friend whose husband is a close friend with your ex-husband. Now it’s strange for you to visit with each other, so you don’t. You might have grown close with your ex-husband’s parents and brothers and sisters in law, and now that relationship feels strained as well.

FAMILY LOSSES – When you have children together, divorce is even harder. If your children are young, they don’t understand what’s happening with their parents, and they grieve the loss of the marriage as well. You grieve because they’re in emotional pain, and you feel powerless to stop it.

MINISTRY LOSSES – Depending on where you go to church, you might be surprised find that you’re considered disqualified for ministry in certain areas. Perhaps you once led a Bible study for married women, or maybe you held a board position. It’s possible that you don’t meet your church’s criteria anymore because of your divorce.

These losses each carry their own amount of pain, and going through them is a part of the grieving process once you get divorced. At times you might feel like the burdens are too much for you to bear. I understand because I’ve been where you are.

The losses you experience in divorce are great, but friend, let me encourage you in this – God’s love is greater! It’s greater than anything you could ever imagine. In fact, God loves you so much that He’s collecting all of your tears in a bottle, and he’s writing down all of your sorrows in a book (Psalm 56:8). He longs for your healing to take place, and Dr. Carol Erb’s new book Enveloped would be a wonderful place for you to start.

When you read Enveloped, you might recognize yourself in some of my experiences. That’s OK. This book was written to provide you with some insight into how God used her life and how He never stopped loving me through every challenge I faced, no matter how impossible or heartbreaking it seemed.

You can read more about Carol’s struggles with grief in her book, Enveloped. Your grief is very real, but take heart! Joy comes in the morning, and with God all things are possible. I invite you to join me as I take you on a journey from shattered to secure and wholly loved by God.

Are you (or someone you know) facing struggles of your own in your marriage? We’d like to help you. Please contact us at 843-379-0288, or you can make your appointment online through our convenient online scheduler.

Want to get Enveloped? Click here!