Pursuing Financial Security In Your Marriage
One of the areas that many couples struggle with in marriage is in the area of finances. This is such a sensitive subject, and it can really drive a wedge between you and your spouse when you don’t agree on spending decisions, or when one of you is constantly handling the money while the other person is in the dark. In some marriages, one partner will hide purchases from the other person, or even hoard money. These issues are a big problem, and they’re an indication that you’re placing more value on money than on your marriage.
Men and women view money and finances differently, and it can be difficult to understand the viewpoint of your spouse. In addition, many couples haven’t learned some basic principles about how to pursue financial security together in a way that will benefit both of them. Let’s take a few minutes and look at the differences between how men and women view financial security.
The Men’s Side
For men, they experience financial security once they have obtained cash. It’s something that they work toward, and it really has an effect on their own personal worth. Men build financial security as a way to feel accomplished and create a positive self-image. God created them to be providers. For them, putting food on the table, a roof over their family’s heads, and clothes on their backs gives them a sense of self-worth. However, they also enjoy being able to buy things that go beyond the necessities – convertibles, flat screen televisions and three-wheelers help to provide them with those feelings of financial security.
The Women’s Side
For most women, they prefer to not have to worry about being the primary breadwinner in the home. A woman wants to have the choice to work outside the home, but she feels most secure when she can depend on her husband to provide for the family. Women want to feel financially stable, and if she works, she wants her money to go toward things like decorations for her home, vacations, and four different pairs of black shoes in her closet. When there is financial strain in the family, a woman feels it immensely. If her husband is dependable, it lifts that burden for her, and draws her closer to him emotionally.
Coming Together
In a perfect world, and in a perfect Christian marriage, each partner would fulfill his or her role completely. However, we are all imperfect people, and even though financial difficulties can be a big problem in marriage, there are ways that couples can overcome them.
If you’re struggling financially, it might take some radical steps in order to get things back on track. Have you ever considered:
- Cutting up credit cards?
- Buying a smaller house or car?
- Clipping coupons and scanning grocery ads to find the best deals?
- Working overtime or getting a second job?
Making these changes might be painful at first. However, you’ll find that they promote financial security in your home, which will result in a much happier marriage.
Once you’ve made some changes, it will take some work and some wisdom to decide what you should do with the extra money you have. Talk with your spouse about your budget, and decide on an amount of money that you can both spend without discussing with the other person first. For some couples, that amount might be $50. For others, it might be $20. You should also set up an emergency fund, and work toward getting $1,000 put into it as soon as possible. Work on paying off your debt and then start saving enough money to cover 3-6 months’ worth of expenses. You will also want to begin giving to your church, or to a charity, if you’re not doing it already.
As a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor at The Beaufort Center for Marriage in Beaufort, SC, I’ve helped many couples to put their differences aside and begin to rebuild their marriages when financial security issues have been a problem. I would love the opportunity to help you too. If you live outside the area we can also work together either by phone or video call. Call us today at 843-379-0288 or book your appointment through our online scheduler.
Financial security is important for both of you. Research show that 43% of the couples divorce who divorce state that financial conflict was a contributing factor. With the help of a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor, you’ll find that it’s easier to find a common ground, work toward the goals you both have, and restore happiness in your marriage.
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