If you’re a woman who has been sexually betrayed her husband, there’s no doubt that there are a million questions going through your mind. You’re angry, you’re hurt, and you’ve never felt so alone before. You long to have answers to your questions, but at the same time, you’re a little bit afraid of how the answers are going to make you feel. You certainly don’t want to get hurt even worse.
Finding out that your husband has a problem with infidelity, pornography or has a sexual addiction is devastating, and the feelings you’re experiencing are entirely normal. There are some questions you should have answered, but there are other questions you should not. The most important thing to remember is that by talking with your husband about his betrayal, you’ll be doing your part to give him the opportunity he needs to enter into a spirit of repentance, which is really what you want.
THE OPPORTUNITY FOR FULL DISCLOSURE
Talking with your husband about his sexual sin is a healthy exercise for both of you, and it might surprise you that it’s vital for him. Once he begins to talk with you, he’s coming out from the dark shadows he’s been living in. He’s exposing his sin and bringing it to light. It’s not easy to be obedient, and truth is often difficult to face, but by allowing him to do it, you’re also giving him the chance to really see how his betrayal has hurt you, your marriage and your family. Once he understands the extent of his sin, he will understand a need for forgiveness.
Even so, before he can ask for forgiveness, you need to express how the betrayal has caused you to feel. You can talk with him about the impact his affair has had on you, so that he fully understands what has happened within your marriage. Remember, you are being asked to forgive a big debt, and it’s not going to be easy for you to do it. You deserve to be heard.
ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
With so many questions burning inside of you, it’s hard to know which ones are the right ones. Actually the “wrong” ones are probably the first ones to come to your mind. Questions like, “What did you talk about with her?” “Where did the two of you have sex?” “What was your favorite website?” or “What did you like about her physically?” will only make you upset and more frustrated. Instead, stick to the important questions, such as:
· “Have you ever met any of the women you were talking with online?”
· “Have you had unprotected sex during your affair?”
· “Did you have sex with anyone I know?”
· “How much money was spent on sex?”
FINDING HELP WITH TRUSTING GOD
As professional, Christian marriage coaches and counselor in Beaufort, SC- we can help you through the process of talking through your husband’s disclosure with methods that are based on Biblical truths. It is highly recommended that you plan a formal time of disclosure in the safety of a trained marriage coach or counselor’s office. Your goal is to remove the ruins of your old marriage, which was destroyed as a result of his betrayal so that you can build a new relationship that’s based on truth. Maybe right now you’re not in a place where you feel you can trust God with knowing more about your husband’s affair. If you’re not, professional marriage coaching and counseling can help you get there.
If you would like to make an appointment to talk with one of our counselors, please contact us at 843-379-0288. We can work with you face to face, or we can work together over the phone or via Skype. You can also set up an appointment using our online scheduler.
Remember, you don’t have to face this trial alone. God is always with you, and Christian counseling and marriage coaching is a wonderful option that can help.